Today we kick off our October Series, Love and Marriage❤🥂
And no better way to start than with my best friend, my favourite person, my love, my husband of 13 years, Robert Phillips.
I have been asked to prepare a piece on Love and Marriage by my wife Simone and it’s kinda daunting. Her writing skills has improved tremendously this past year. She is such a storyteller.
Anyway, here it goes:
For the longest time I considered myself a player. Wanting all the “pretty girls” so to speak. I considered sexy skinny long straight hair girls as my “type”. Being selected has Deputy-Head Boy at my High school really inflated my popularity and the “monster” was created.
So I didn’t really give thought to being “faithful” to one person. Even the pretty girls were not safe with me. I had no qualms about having 3 or more relationships at one time. I was young, dumb and full of ???? Lucky enough, my wild days didn’t spawn any kids.
Later on I moved Cities for job opportunities and guess that was God’s plan for me. For a-while though I lived in Hillbrow, a notorious “wild city” in Johannesburg known for its party life and again, it was one or more ladies most nights. I would party from Wednesday to Sunday. Non-top for 5 years.
I was known as the party animal and man I could dance. People knew me for this. They would wait for me to spark the dance floor and I loved it. It fed my ego and reputation. Women loved it and me. But this life finally lent me to a dark avenue. That’s when I met the mother of my first child. I was consumed by her because at that time I was not in a good space emotionally. It was a boisterous relationship.
One built on physicality, violence and distrust. I lost myself. I became depressed. Long story short, she later left me with my 9-month-old son Keli, and I was lost and broken. I did him wrong because I was dealing with his mom leaving me but that’s a story for another day.
Back to love and marriage. It’s funny how the night-life I chased was the reason that finally stopped me and I grew up. It was my favourite night club that turned me off the night-life.
My life changed. Finally, I got a stable job and that’s where I met her. Simone. My now wife. My then “super rocker”. Wow, when I saw her walking around the corner, I said to my friend David, she is a super rocker. I wanted her. Like most of the pretty girls at work. I wanted her. Tried my best to charm her, but she didn’t like me. I was a show off she later told me.
I emailed her at work and said can we go to the Film. WOW, her response has led me being married to this beautiful being and 13 years later with 4 beautiful kids, I don’t regret it. The Best decision I ever made. She is my best friend.
Our kids, Ethan, Micaiah, Zoe and Zyon have medicated me. Changed me. Whatever reason(s) my previous relationships failed, Simone stuck it out and made me grow up and deal with my demons and today I’m a better man for it.
I love her. I love them all and I now know what it feels to love and be loved. I know that God loves me because He has blessed a liar, a woman beater and a coward with them. They celebrate the things I take for granted. They serve me and treat me like a king. It felt awkward in the beginning but it’s Simone’s personality that consumed my fears.
The first 7 years of our marriage was rough. I won’t lie. Family issues, in-law issues, lots of physical fights, but she stuck it out. She made me deal with my sexual addiction that was sparked by my abuse as a child by my uncle and neighbour for longest time.
Today I look back as I prepare this piece and say to myself “wow”, look how far I come! How far we have come! What made us work is making “us” priority. I forsaked my family for Simone. I made her priority and every battle we faced, we have been there for each other facing these things alone without support from both families.
Through depression, unemployment and being broke it was our love for each other and dependency on ONLY each other that was the reason we made it so far. People look at us today and are in awe of what we have achieved. And we not to bothered by it because we are so focused on leaving a legacy for our kids. I can truly say that “love” has conquered all so far. I cannot see my life without her. She is the warrior for my poet.
Sorry this piece is so erratic and long but it will take a novel to express my love for Simone and our kids.
I am blessed and I thank God every day for them and I hope that everybody will find the love God intended for man.