Today we Danielle Coots, as our guest writer.
Danielle is a Freelance Writer/Blogger/Photographer.
He loves me, he’ll never hurt me!
By Danielle Coots
I lie still on the cold dining room floor trying to stay focused on my breathing and focusing on the music coming from the living room. My hands were slippery with a hot, sticky substance, which I learned was my own blood.
Blood was surrounding me, in my face, in my hair and pulsing out of my body. Thoughts swirling around in my head, “How could this happen? He said he loved me.”
..A million young poets
Screamin’ out their words
to a world full of people
just livin’ to be heard
ridin’ on the highways that we built
I hope they have a better understanding
Check it out!….
The music of John Mellencamp kept me alive. As I lie gurgling for life, his lyrics gave me the hope I needed to survive.
I lived in a violent marriage for ten years. My husband was an alcoholic and eventually a drug addict. He had slowly stripped me over everything I held dear to my identity- my family, friends, financial stability and my confidence.
Each beating and with each sarcastic flip of his tongue, it convinced myself I deserve his treatment. But, as bad as it was, I knew the next morning would be better and his violent behavior would calm for the next few days. That was the man I loved. That was the man that loved me.
But, this particular day, something crossed the line. I came home from work and heard John Mellencamp blaring from the cassette player in the living room. John Mellencamp music was always a sign that things were about to get bad. I drummed up enough courage to walk through the front door.
He came around the corner, and came at me fast. A knife appeared from behind his back. From that moment, until I lie on the floor, that’s all I remember. He stabbed me 26 times and left me for dead. He must have found out that I was planning on leaving him. I had a plan in place. I was so close to breaking free.
If my story can help even one woman struggling with domestic abuse and inspire her to get the help she needs, it’s worth it.
At the time, I shared custody of my children with my ex-husband. They were never around to witness my beatings, but they knew it was happening and that I protected them when they were with me.
I will forever be grateful for this arrangement. But, it didn’t benefit me in looking for help for my situation. Then, many organizations would jump to help a woman with children, but not so much for a woman on her own. Information was not available as it is today.
There are many forms of abuse and all affect the individuals in the same emotional way. But, knowing you are being abused can sometimes be the hard part, but it’s not hard to identify by other family members and friends. Listen hard when they tell you that you deserve better or that you wouldn’t be treated that way.
Don’t think your loved one won’t hurt you because they love you. An abuser’s thinking is not the same as normal individuals. To them, they abuse you because they love you. I know, confusing- huh?
Don’t waste years trying to hang on hoping they will change. Statistics show that abusers will never change, but rather their rage will exacerbate because we allow it.
How do you know if you are being abused? Here are the top signs you are:
1) Physical signs
2) Extreme Jealousy
Prohibits you to see other male friends
Cannot hang out with friends or family members
Blames you for cheating
3) Controlling behavior
Takes control of finances
Must come straight home from work
Cannot go anywhere without him
4) Blaming others for problems or mistakes
Quits jobs easily because someone did something to him
You have to move from place to place because the landlord is stupid
He didn’t get his paycheck because of an argument
5) Verbally attacking
You are stupid
You are fat and ugly
He wouldn’t have to think about the girl next door if you were as pretty
If you find that you are in an abusive relationship or know someone that is, please call the national hotline.
Thank you Danielle for sharing your story and experience with us. I know someone out there can relate to your situation. Thank you for Inspiring, Impacting and giving hope to someone who is in the same position.
Check out her beautiful blog.